I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
