I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is Oprah even human
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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