There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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