the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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