also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
