Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
