She said her name was "party"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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