I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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