Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
