$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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