If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
