the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
