The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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