WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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