she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
