No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize