i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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