We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
