We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
