just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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