Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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