she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
