you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
