he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
