the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Small penises have feelings too.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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