OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
