Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't think brook has ever known best
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
