k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
