she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
