True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
