I think my fart just growled at me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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