it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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