i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
