I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
