...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
