your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
