You really coming over, don't trick.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
