You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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