theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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