i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
