i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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