the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
