I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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