remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
