nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
