You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You smell like stripper and shame
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
