I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
