wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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