I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I look better un-naked...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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