Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
