Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and she was petting her beer can
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
