I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
