I need help removing her.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
