I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
