nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
